#hey if you always make the worst assumptions about someone and then firmly believe those to be true

[lilyliveredlittlerichboy]

me: men are suffering from patriarchy too and deserve to be protected

sillygirl.txt in my notes: >:( no they've hurt me personally

me: ok but not every man has hurt you and not every man will. some men are good and nice

sillygirl.txt: ok but where are they

me: everywhere! heres some examples of nice men in my life

sillygirl.txt: >:( i bet they all watch evil porn

....... im starting to see why you might not be meeting many nice people. completely regardless of gender lmfao

[skaylanphear]

Raven’s Wings

Summary: First Lila comes back, then Marinette gets called to the office. Oh, and then there’s the issue of her feelings for Adrien. Marinette is having about the worst, unluckiest day of her life. Turns out, it might just be too much for her to deal with. 

In which Marinette is finally akumatized and all of Paris--her friends included--may have to pay the price. 

Part 1

Marinette knew she needed to remain calm. Just because she knew the truth about Lila didn't mean that everyone else did. As far as they knew, Lila was a kind, generous person, not a conniving liar intent on fooling Adrien into dating her.

Just the thought had Marinette bubbling with rage. But instead of giving in, she simply slammed her food tray down upon the counter. Alya, who stood next to her, glanced up in surprise, but Marinette didn't meet her imploring gaze. Instead, she simply scooted along in line, hardly noticing when food was dropped down onto her tray.

"You're not mad Nino took your seat, are you?" Alya eventually asked, before appearing appropriately sheepish. "He was really bummed about moving to the back, and I didn't think you'd mind…"

"I don't care about that," Marinette admitted quietly. "Though it would have been nice if someone had asked." True, she would have given up her seat if Nino had asked—not like they talked much during class anyway—but being sent to the back without any other choice had been pretty disheartening.

"Oh…" Alya shuffled awkwardly. "Everyone assumed you'd be okay with it…"

Marinette grit her teeth, but didn't say anything further on the subject. Alya was right, after all, but she wasn't sure what to think of the assumption. Was she that much of a pushover? Or did everyone simply think she was that nice?

Yet, clearly they didn't, based on the glares she'd gotten.

"What are you so peeved about then?" Alya dared to ask as they left the lunch line and headed for a table near the back corner.

Marinette frowned, yet again attempting to push the bad feelings to the back of her thoughts. "I'm not peeved," she muttered. "Just… disappointed."

Alya grinned as they sat down. "Because Lila was all over Adrien?"

"Yeah…" That, and the fact that no one would believe her about Lila being the worst. It almost seemed akin to the outrage she felt at Chloe most of the time, except that no one but her realized just how horrible Lila was. Which was infuriating, because she couldn't say anything to contradict the notion. Not without giving away her identity as Ladybug.

"He didn't seem too interested anyway," Alya assured with a wink, which did some good in raising Marinette's spirits.

Nino abruptly sat down at their table, his tray nearly losing its contents as he dropped it into place. "Hey, Marinette," he said, smiling. "Thanks for letting me have your seat. I was really bummed at having to sit in the back all alone. Again."

He appeared so grateful that all Marinette could do was smile.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so excited Lila is finally back," Rose said as she sat down with them as well. She was simply glowing. "She has such an exciting life, and she's so nice. I can't believe the danger she put herself in to save Jagged Stone's kitten."

Marinette couldn't hold in her scoff.

"What?" Alya asked.

"You actually believe that?" Marinette dared to ask. "Jagged Stone never had a cat."

"You don't know that," Alya objected, frowning. "He might have. Stranger things have happened."

"Or Lila's lying," she reasoned, stabbing a blob of jello as she did.

"Why would she lie?" Rose asked innocently.

"She's didn't," Alya replied, rolling her eyes as she did. "Marinette's just jealous because Lila is clearly into Adrien."

"Or it's because Lila lies about everything," she said shortly.

"You've had it out for Lila since she started here," Alya replied as Alix and Juleka joined them lastly. "It all comes back to Adrien."

Marinette knew she was teasing, but it felt more hurtful in those moments than anything else. She wasn't used to people… doubting her. Yet any sense of truth was once again strangled by the fact that she couldn't reveal the sources of her bias.

"As usual," Alix added, laughing a bit as she did. "Do you think about anything except Adrien?"

"Of course!" Marinette snapped. They had no idea how much she didn't think about Adrien on a daily basis. She literally didn't have the time to be thinking about him constantly, not with all the responsibilities she had.

"Like what?" Alix pressed, while I few of the others chuckled.

"Like the fact that Jagged Stone doesn't have a cat," Marinette rebuked rather hotly, before once again tempering her emotions.

"Again, you don't know that," Alya sing-songed.

"I'd know better than you guys," Marinette replied shortly, which silenced the table rather quickly. Probably because they were all aware that she knew Jagged Stone personally, though she'd never once brought it up as a means of bragging or any other such thing. Yet, despite the awkwardness her comment had caused, she didn't apologize. It was the truth, wasn't it? Yet they were all so content to believe everything Lila said.

No, she needed to stay calm. Deep breaths.

"You seem like you're in a bad mood, Marinette," Rose observed a second later. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You seriously need to get over it," Alix interjected then. "You're the one that failed to make a move, so you can't blame someone else for being interested in Adrien. I mean, you kissed him at the picnic, but everyone knows he's about as oblivious as they come."

Alya and Nino shared a look, but Marinette chose to ignore it.

"It's not about Adrien," Marinette persisted. "I just don't think he should be hanging around with someone who lies as much as she does."

Alya sighed. "Marinette, where are you getting these ideas that she lies? She hasn't lied to any of us, as far as we know."

"Yeah. And who are you to be judging who Adrien hangs out with anyway?" Alix dared to ask. "You're the one that semi-stalks him instead of, oh I don't know, talking to him?"

"I don't stalk him…"

"You know everything about him down to his daily schedule," Alix pointed out. "It's weird."

Rose sighed. "I think it's romantic."

"It's not," Alix said firmly. "My brother once had a girl like that who liked him. She used to follow him around, and drop gifts off at the museum, and one time, she even showed up in his bedroom after work. He had to report her to the police."

"What are you suggesting?" Marinette asked defensively.

Alix simply shrugged.

"Do you guys think I stalk Adrien?" she dared to ask, feeling cold as the notion sank down her spine.

"I think you're just… thorough," Alya replied. "You wouldn't hurt a fly."

"But you think I stalk him."

"I never said that."

Frowning, Marinette stabbed her jello again. She didn't stalk Adrien, did she? Sure, she wanted to know all there was to know about him, but she didn't consider that stalking. She didn't sneak into his room, or follow him around (most of the time). And she only knew his schedule because it wasn't that hard to figure out in the first place. She wasn't a stalker, she just… really liked him. Right?

"I know you wouldn't do anything stupid, Marinette. Don't worry about it," Alya reiterated.

"So you think I'm harmless, but a stalker," Marinette solidified.

"I never said that," Alya said through gritted teeth. "You're just… excitable."

"Excitable… And what does that mean?"

Alya huffed. "C'mon, Marinette, even you know you go overboard sometimes."

Marinette reared back, uncertain what to make of the words that smacked her so thoroughly across the face. "Excuse me?"

"Like when you entered that gaming competition so you could hang out with Adrien?" Alya reminded.

"Or that time you tried to steal the camera man's memory card?" Alix pointed out.

"I was trying to help Juleka!"

Alya held up a single finger. "Or the time you stole Adrien's phone?"

Marinette pouted.

"Or the time you asked Luka on a date just so you could be with Adrien…" Juleka said quietly.

"That's not why I invited him," Marinette defended.

"That's not how it seemed…"

"You're just a little intense, Marinette, that's all," Rose tried to pacify. "That's not a bad thing."

Well it sure felt like a bad thing. "Do you all think this badly of me?" she asked quietly. And here she'd been under the impression that everyone thought she was a nice person who did her best as representative and as a friend.

"We don't think badly of you, Marinette," Alya corrected with a sympathetic frown. "You are just… really intense about some things. And it's good… usually."

But not always. "I don't think I'm hungry anymore," she decided, before getting up. Alya tried to call to her, as did Rose, but she didn't turn back. Instead, she dumped her uneaten food in the trash before heading out of the cafeteria. She had half a mind to go home, claiming she wasn't feeling well. Because, honestly, she wasn't. But instead, she found a bench in the hallway before taking a seat.

This day just kept getting worse and worse. She knew she was… "intense" about some things, but she considered that passion more of a good thing than bad. She was passionate about her work, her friends, her classmates. She was passionate about the safety of Paris. She'd never considered that maybe other people thought it was sometimes a bad thing. True, she'd messed some things up, like when she'd tried to help Nathanial and Marc, or when she'd been mean to Andre, or when she'd overdone it with Lila. But she always tried to make things right when she screwed up.

But maybe… it wasn't enough?

"Ah, Ms. Dupain-Cheng, just who I was looking for." It was Principle Damocles who approached her, his expression staunch and his hands clasped behind his back. "Not ever where you're supposed to be, I see. I need to see you in my office, post-haste."

"Um, okay…" Uncertain, Marinette stood and followed him down the hall. He held the door to his office open for her, before gesturing that she take a seat before his desk. He sat down across from her a moment later, before releasing a light sigh and staring at her as though she was some kind of problem in need of solving.

"We're here to talk about your absences, Ms. Dupain-Cheng," he explained shortly. The topic of conversation only demoralized Marinette more than she already was. "As well as your grades. Mostly because you're a unique case." He drummed his fingers on the desk. "Your absences don't seem to make much sense, as you disappear at the most random times during the day, regularly show up late, and fail to see much of an issue with this behavior."

"I'm sorry…" she muttered lamely.

"Yet your behavior has not changed since the last time your parents were involved in the situation," he went on. "It's also disconcerting because your grades seem to be slipping."

Which was true. Hawkmoth was more active than ever and she was having trouble keeping up with everything. Half the time she told her parents she was doing homework, she was either purifying an akuma or out on patrol with Chat. And because of their late nights, she rarely woke up on time.

Sometimes she wondered if Chat had the same problems. He must, she figured.

"I'm not trying to be hard on you," he said, sounding quite severe despite his claim, "but if you don't start rectifying this behavior, we may be forced to hold you back a year."

Her eyes went wide. "What?"

"If you can't show up for class or keep up your grades, you might have to repeat the year. Which would be unheard of for a class president. But your transcript is in sad shape, Ms. Dupain-Cheng. My suggestion? You worry a little less about everyone else and little more about yourself, hm?"

Yeah, easy for him to say! "Right," she agreed, trying not to get too choked up. Deep breaths. She could handle this. Everything would be fine. "I'll do better, I promise."

"I should certainly hope so," he finished, before dismissing her.

Feeling quite as though she was numb from the neck down, Marinette marched from the room. She paused once she was outside the door, taking a moment to close her eyes and swallow back her negative emotions. After all, Principle Damocles was right—she was absent a lot and she hadn't been turning in homework as regularly as she should have been. Or at all, really. Ms. Bustier had talked to her about it numerous times as well. It seemed she'd slipped so far that now the principle was bugging her about it too.

But she was Ladybug and Ladybug could do anything. She could turn this around—she needed only to try a little harder.

Everything would be fine. This just… wasn't her lucky day.

"Oh, there you are," Alya said as Marinette made her way down the stairs and into the courtyard. "I was looking for you. I was worried." She was frowning. "Did you just leave Principle Damocles office?"

"Yeah…" Marinette said, her tone empty. "He said… He said that I might have to be held back a year." Saying it out loud only made it that much harder to believe. Like she'd woken up in the twilight zone this morning.

"What?!"

"I'm absent too often," she admitted. "And my grades… aren't the best." In fact, they quite dismal, really.

"Well, you can still turn it around," Alya reasoned. "You just… need to be more organized. You are kind of scattered a lot of the time."

"Yeah, you're right," she agreed, if only because she felt she had to. Yet she never met Alya's gaze, instead keeping her attention on her shoes.

"We can do it together," Alya went on. "You know, make up a schedule for yourself like the one you have for Adrien." Reaching out, Alya laid a hand on her shoulder, which finally did jolt Marinette into looking up. And while Alya's smile was somewhat comforting, it wasn't enough to wash away the negatives of the day.

Yet she couldn't let it get to her—she had to stay positive.

"Sure, that sounds good," she replied, trying not to sound too hollow. "That'll help."

"But, girl," Alya went on. "If we do it, you have to actually show up to where you're supposed to be. If you can do that, half your problems will be solved."

"You're right."

"Marinette…" Alya's hold on her shoulder tightened. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah." She offered her best friend a small smile. "I'm fine. It's just been a weird day."

"Right…" Alya's hand fell away. "You know that stuff we were saying in the cafeteria doesn't… We don't think badly of you."

"I know," she lied. "I'm not worried about it."

"Okay…"

"There you are!" It was Nino who called out, the two girls turning to see him and Adrien headed toward them from across the courtyard. Adrien must have just returned from lunch at his own house. He never ate in the cafeteria. "I was wondering where you'd gotten off to," Nino continued before slipping a hand around Alya's shoulders.

"Are you okay, Marinette?" Adrien asked a second later. "You look a little pale."

"I'm fine," she assured, forcing another smile as she did. "Just have a bit of a stomach ache is all."

"You should go home if you're not feeling well." The sound of Lila's voice coming up on Adrien's other side nearly sent her temper to boiling. "If you're contagious, it'd be a pity to infect the whole school." She said as much as she wrapped herself around Adrien's arm.

Marinette had to look away, settling for saying nothing at all lest she say something no one else would agree with.

"Hi, Lila," Adrien said, leaning a bit away from her as he did.

"Did you enjoy your lunch?" she asked. "I'd hoped to sit with you, but I guess someone like you probably wants to go home to eat with your family. You're so busy!"

"Uh, yeah, that's it," he agreed, while Lila clamped herself around him more firmly.

"I'm so glad to be back here—I missed you all so much. But I guess even if I finally get to hang out with everyone else, you'll be too busy to be around much, huh. I'd really hoped we could become close… friends."

Marinette wanted to be sick.

"Ah, sure," Adrien agreed with a laugh.

"Maybe we could organize a time to hang out, just the two of us?"

Adrien attempted to pry himself free. "I don't see why not."

"Great!" Lila beamed, all the while holding onto Adrien even tighter.

Across from him, Nino cleared his throat. "Dude."

And though Marinette didn't want to acknowledge it, she could sense the tension abruptly rising between the group. Lila may have remained oblivious to it, but the other four couldn't claim the same. Rather, Nino was holding his breath and Adrien appeared abruptly panicked, while all Alya could do was grit her teeth and wait for the worst.

But, truth be told, there were no secrets between them that Marinette didn't already know. She'd made her feelings for Adrien pretty clear at the picnic, yet nothing had come of it. Her classmates claimed he was oblivious, but even the most clueless boy couldn't get by what her intentions had been.

He'd just said nothing so as to be kind—to spare her feelings.

It'd been easier, buying into her classmates' reasons—that he simply didn't get it. But deep down, she's known the truth. And apparently Nino and Alya knew as well.

That Adrien did not, in fact, return her feelings.

It was nice that they were trying to be sensitive to her feelings, she supposed. But even if Nino reminded Adrien of her plight, it didn't change the reality. Really, she'd been preparing for this outcome for a while. She'd accepted that maybe she and Adrien were only meant to be friends some time ago, even if she'd continued to fawn over him. Which had likely been her mistake. Be it that she'd realistically told herself it wasn't meant to be, she'd still held out hope. A secret hope that was cracking in those moments of honest clarity.

It hurt. A lot. And though she tried to hold them back, the tears welled behind her eyes nonetheless. Doing her best to hide, she turned away. But she could feel their sympathetic looks, and hear Adrien's intake of breath before he spoke. Which only seemed to give the tears that much more power over her.

"Marinette…" Adrien murmured softly, while finally managing to shrug Lila off his arm. "Look, I…"

She knew what he was going to say, but that didn't make it any less painful to hear.

"I think you should move!" he said suddenly, before grabbing her by the arm and yanking her back behind him. Marinette was so startled by the whole thing that she nearly tripped over her own feet, only managing to keep her balance because Alya quickly reached out to steady her.

"It's an akuma!" Nino announced, which spooked all the other students standing around in the courtyard. Whipping around, Marinette watched as Adrien waved his hands at the black butterfly, as if to ward it off.

"Don't touch it!" Marinette shouted, before reaching out to grab Adrien by the back of his shirt. He stumbled back, but in her attempts to stop him from doing something stupid, Marinette put herself back in the line of fire.

She wasn't fast enough, even as she backed up. The little black butterfly flitted down around her head. All she had on her was her bag, which housed Tikki. As a result, there was very little the akuma had to possess. Which might have been good if she were anyone else. As it was, she was Ladybug, which meant the ornaments on her ears were more than target enough.

She felt it was soon as the akuma sank into her earring, her whole body going cold. It was like a chilled hand had reached into her head and tied puppet strings to every part of her, as if preparing her for a show.

"What a bad day you've been having," a deep voice said, interrupting her thoughts. "First your friends turn again you, then you're reprimanded, and, finally, a broken heart. Luck doesn't seem to be on your side."

Gritting her teeth, Marinette balled her hands into fists at her sides.

"You can't control me," she muttered out loud. Yet even as she did, she could feel all the emotions she'd been pushing back beginning to leak forth. Like a dam beginning to crack, the water was slipping through. It wanted to overwhelm her, but she had to fight back.

If she didn't, Paris would be doomed.

"Control you?" he replied. "I don't want to control you. I simply want to give you the power to prove your worth. Everyone runs a little low on luck now and then. It's not fair that you should be the only one to suffer so."

"I don't want your power!" she snapped back, closing her eyes before reaching up and gripping at the sides of her head, if only because the longer the akuma remained attached to her, the more bloated everything inside her head began to feel.

"Fight him, Marinette!" Alya called.

"Don't let him take advantage of you!" Nino added.

"I'm only trying to help," Hawkmoth reasoned calmly.

"Everyone is allowed to feel bad now and then," Marinette replied as the inflated emotions began to cause a stinging ache in her temples. "That doesn't mean you have the right to take advantage of them!"

"I'm not taking advantage," he replied. "Rather, I'm just trying to give you the advantage."

"No!" she screamed, shaking her head as she did.

"Don't let him get to you, Marinette!" Adrien said then, the sound of his voice causing her heart to ache terribly.

"You can't fight it, Marinette," he said. "I can sense your anger, your frustration."

"Stop it!"

"Your heartbreak."

"Get out of my head!"

"Just give in," he continued. "You'll feel better, once everyone understands exactly how today has made you feel."

She was growing weaker. His negativity was spreading through her whole body like an infection. It crawled under her skin and trickled across her bones. Like there were bugs living inside her body, biting and struggling to get free. But she couldn't let that happen. Even as she stumbled to the side, straining on trembling legs, she had to fight him.

"You do so much for everyone else," he continued. "And how are you repaid? By having the few mistakes you've made thrown in your face? By being told you should think more of yourself? By being rejected?"

"Please, stop!" she cried, leaning up against the wall as she did. For a moment, the structure kept her grounded, but it lasted only a moment before she was once again overcome. Her stomach rolled, her skin became patchy with sweat. As if she were making herself physically ill by refusing to give in.

"No one appreciates you. No one supports you. No one loves you."

"You're wrong!" she screamed, while the blackness began to seep into her thoughts. Desperate to get away, she swung herself into the wall, banging her head harshly against the brick. "Get out, get out, get out!"

"You're only hurting yourself more. I want to help you."

"Get out of my head!" Once again, she banged her head into the wall. A carnal response, an attempt to escape, if only because that pain wasn't nearly as horrible as the negativity he was trying to inflate inside her. So dark and so penetrating—like her whole body was about to burst at the seams.

"Everything you do has been for nothing," he went on. "All your efforts and a single day undoes it all. What fairness is there in that? Should not others suffer the same fate?"

"Please," she begged, sliding down the wall as she did. It was becoming cloudy. All her energy was being zapped away. Maybe if it'd been a different day, maybe if she hadn't had so many blows to her ego as she had that day, she'd be able to force him out. But though she could push them away, she couldn't erase the negative emotions inside her. They were part of who she was, which meant that he had the perfect prey into which to sink his talons.

She could have fought him if she wasn't so overcome. If it'd been any day but this one.

She could feel herself losing.

"Just give in," he whispered, as if he spoke directly into her ear. "Let me take care of you."

"No…" she murmured brokenly, the last word she managed to get out before the water drowned her. It was overflowing, having risen above the lip of the tub to flow over like an uncontrollable wave. Her shields crumbled beneath its weight, until all she could feel was the betrayal, the frustration, and the heartbreak. Which made her angry, because she didn't want to feel this way. But if she had to, then maybe everyone else should too.

Misery loved company, after all.

"Lady Raven Wing," he said to her. "I give you the power to bring bad luck to all of Paris, so they'll know the same misery you do. It only takes the smallest inconvenience to turn a day to its worst, and only one piece of the puzzle to be missing to cause disaster.

"Yes," Marinette found herself saying, before finding the strength anew to get to her feet.

"You just have to do one small favor for me in return," he continued. "Bring me Ladybug and Chat Noir's miraculouses."

Smirking, Marinette decided she'd agree—for now.

She'd keep it to herself for the time being, that Hawkmoth's luck was about to run out alongside everyone else's.

With Chat Noir's ring, she'd have all the power. Which meant that bad luck wouldn't even be a variable, because she'd never have a bad day ever again.

Things are going to get really, really bad. I promise ;D

Also, feel free to support me and my partner in crime, Wadako, on patreon (it only costs a $1). I’m not putting a link here because tumblr is dumb and won’t allow it to show up in searches, but our patreon is patreon (dot) com (slash) skadako. If you like ML my work, there’s more of it there, as well as Wadako’s awesome art :D 

[merlinficreview]

But It’s A Good Refrain Review!

But It’s a Good Refrain by lady_ragnell

Word Count: 23090

Alright friends, enemies and others. I decided to use this for the next review because it’s got a fairly high number of hits. I thought about doing The Student Prince next, but since I just finished reviewing a Modern Royalty AU, I thought I would do something else first. I’ve never read this fic but it sounded vaguely interesting.

The fic opens with Arthur trying to change the radio channel from some girl calling into a talk show to complain about her boyfriend. Morgana refuses to let him change the channel. “’He isn’t torturing them,’ Morgana snaps. Arthur is especially sorry that he chose to drive down with her when she’s in an even worse mood than usual due to their father refusing to donate to the charity she runs. ‘He’s listening. Something that you obviously don’t know how to understand or do, but this show really helps people.’”

Put him in his place, Morgana! Also LOL Holy First World Problems, Batman. Did you catch exactly what Morgana was pissed about? Her dad not donating to the charity she wanted him to. I mean, I guess I get it if he was donating to Republicans or something else terrible like that, but the fic doesn’t imply that it was for anything other than small animals or children. Get over it, Morgana, someone who needed that money still got it.

Anyways, Arthur tells Morgana that talk shows like that are all scripted and fake. “’He is not a fake, and I know that because—‘ Morgana stops, cheeks going pink.” Oop. Busted.

“You have! You called Dragon’s Lonely Hearts like the Billy No-Mates you are.” Damn, Arthur. Not only are you making fun of her for calling a radio show for help, you’re saying she has no friends? Harsh. Morgana says that he helped her after a bad breakup. Good. You do you, Morgana, Your brother is the worst.

“’Well, I suppose they aren’t paying him or anything,’ Arthur allows. ‘My God, you’re mercenary. I always forget that about you.’ He just raises his eyebrows, since Morgana is the one who spends her life putting a bottom line on everything, even if it is for pandas or irrigation or whatever the hell her catchall charity is supporting this week.” An irrigation charity? Ok. Sure. If I were Uther, I wouldn’t have donated to that one either. And why wouldn’t Merlin (let’s all be real honest, we know it’s Merlin) be getting paid?

Then Morgana makes fun of Arthur for not being able to hold a relationship for more than three months. Pendragon Siblings, man.

So Morgana brings up Dragon’s Lonely Hearts while out at the pub and everyone except Arthur listens to the show, which Arthur is super bitter about. Arthur is even annoyed that his girlfriend listens to it.

Let her do what she wants, Arthur.

“(The breakup with Vivian four days later, incidentally, has nothing to do with this discussion, no matter what Morgana claims. It has everything to do, however, with Vivian’s habit of telling him what sort of ring she wants and leaving wedding magazines around his flat.)” I mean, I can’t fault Arthur for not wanting to propose to his girlfriend of three months. Yikes. That warrants a discussion first rather than a breakup though. “Hey man, I’m super uncomfortable with all these marriage hints you have been dropping. We’ve only been together a few months and I’m not ready for that step.” Done.

So then Uther asks Arthur if he should do commercials for the radio show. “Arthur firmly puts paid to that idea, since he suspects the audience of Dragon’s Lonely Hearts is quite liberal and wouldn’t appreciate Uther’s philosophies.” Told you Uther was Republican.

“The rest of it he finds out when he and Mithian go out for lunch and she cheerfully slips in a story about a friend of hers who got set up on a date through the show and how her boyfriend proposed this past weekend. ‘You should put your name in,’ she says, probably just because she knows it annoys him.” Damn the whole world listens to this show.

Mithian suggests that Arthur try speed dating, which Arthur shoots down ASAP. I don’t blame him. “When he does, she makes a great point of changing the subject, and Arthur assumes that’s all he’ll hear about Dragon’s Lonely Hearts for a while, that it’s one of those odd things that seems like it’s everywhere for a few weeks before fading into obscurity again, like the time when all of his friends ended up talking to him about ducks completely by chance within the same week.” Can we please get all these random conversations about ducks? This is cracking me up for some reason.

The next scene is two weeks later. Arthur is at the gym and you guessed it, Dragon’s Lonely Hearts is playing on the radio there. Vivian is calling in and bitching about Arthur.

Good.

“Well. It sounds like the Dragon takes a deep breath from the crackle of the speakers. You sound like an intelligent woman, Viv, so you know this already, but I’ll say it anyway: if someone doesn’t change their previous behavior, then they’ll never change the way their relationships end. This bloke—Arthur, right? This bloke clearly has a pattern that’s working for him, and if he’s doing things the same way he’s always done, then sure as anything, he’ll end it the way he’s always done as well.”

Go in, Merlin! Obviously Arthur can’t have that, so he leaves the gym to go call the show and will undoubtedly prove Merlin right. The thing that is most interesting to me is that Arthur seems mostly offended that he has being trash talked on a show that his sister is probably listening to. He specifically thinks about that. That’s weird to me. Be more concerned about your boss or coworkers hearing this, Arthur.

“When he does check his phone, after a few deep breaths and a swig out of a bottle of cider, he’s got texts from nearly all of his friends. He only bothers reading Morgana’s, since hers is undoubtedly going to be the worst, and puts up with having to scoll down several times through all the HAHAHA to get to I could almost feel sorry for you if it weren’t true.” See? I would be more worried about a coworker texting me, “umm is this you they are talking about on this show?” Or my boss. How embarrassing.

Mithian calls Arthur and tells him to turn on the radio because Merlin is taking a call from a woman who is specifically calling in about men like Arthur. “’A woman called in to talk about men like you,’ she says, but under it he hears —and I have never met a man like that who wasn’t a terrible user in some strange woman’s voice.

Neither have I, to be honest, says the Dragon, laughing a little, putting Arthur’s hackles right up. I do always have to keep in mind that I’m only hearing one side of the story, but someone who breaks up after three months nearly every time, who usually only dates his friends … well, that’s a sign of someone just looking for convenience, really, not love.”

Damn straight. Read him, Merlin.

So then Arthur decides to call in to the radio show, for reals this time. I mean… I would be fairly embarrassed and humiliated too. “A cheerful woman answers the phone. ‘You’ve reached Dragon’s Lonely Hearts, can I get your name please?’ ‘Arthur,’ he says as calmly as he can manage. There’s a pause. ‘Oh, shit,’ she says quietly, and then in a much less cheerful and more timid voice she says ‘Are you going to sue us?’” LOL I like her. Keeping the important stuff in mind.

“’I am not. But I would like to say that I don’t appreciate my friends texting me to let me know that people are talking about me on a radio show and making assumptions about my character that I can’t defend against.’ Another pause, and then the woman says brightly ‘I’ll put you through!’ in a tone that Arthur recognizes from the workplace, that of someone who doesn’t want to deal with whatever problem’s been dumped in her lap, and suddenly he’s hearing what must be the end of the song playing on the radio and someone counting down quietly to prepare to go on the air.” I have 100% used that annoying, “OK then! I’ll get the manager!” cheerful voice to get rid of someone insufferable before. I like this person and hope she sticks around.

So Arthur is put on the air and complains about all his friends making fun of him. Merlin asks him to share his side of the story but Arthur won’t. I don’t know what Arthur was expecting to happen then. “There’s very little to say about the other side of the story, I’m afraid. I get in relationships that I believe will work out, and if they don’t seem to be satisfying both of us I end them.”

How romantic…

Merlin tells Arthur that’s not why you date people. “You have no right to sit in a studio and judge people you’ve never met and who don’t ask for your advice. You know nothing about me and you aren’t saying anything you couldn’t get out of a university counseling textbook or a romantic film, so I’m going to guess you don’t know much about love either.” Arthur. You called HIM. Stop. Merlin then basically hangs up on him. Good.

The next morning, Morgana angrily knocks on Arthur’s door. “’You’ve got a fucking key!’ he yells anyway…” I don’t know why this is cracking me up so much but it is. Morgana refuses to use her key. She says it’s because she’s too mad. I guess.

Morgana says she knows Arthur feels bad about being a shitty person towards Merlin and asks what he’s going to do about it. Which is… strange? I mean if I were in Arthur’s position, I would just let the guilt gnaw away at me until it dissipated over time and I no longer had the compulsion to think about it every ten seconds and it became a distant, though embarrassing memory that I just think about occasionally. I could call the show and apologize if I were in this situation but let’s be honest, I wouldn’t. Letting things fester is basically my go to response for everything.

I guess I need to work on some things.

Morgana suggests that Arthur write Merlin a letter to apologize. “Don’t say maybe, Arthur, you’ll waffle long enough to talk yourself out of it, and you hit a button last night. I’ve listened to this show a lot, and people have been awful to him, but I’ve never heard him lose his cool like that. This matters.” I do that “well maybe I’ll do this” waffling thing too.

WHY AM I IDENTIFYING WITH ARTHUR? I AM NOT OK WITH THIS TURN OF EVENTS.

And of course no one pushes Merlin’s buttons like Arthur! Even anonymously!

“He puts the toast down a second time automatically because his toaster never manages it right the first time and turns around to watch her, because she’s obviously got something else on her mind. Sure enough, the coffee isn’t even ready before she speaks again. ‘Now that that’s over with, are you okay?’” That’s sweet of Morgana and everything but let’s talk about this toast situation. If your toast isn’t heating up well enough… why don’t you just turn it up higher? If it’s at this highest level and not working, you need to get a new toaster. Or just enjoy your bread and quit bitching.

“’I don’t know why any of them are still friends with me.’ She raises her eyebrows and he turns around to butter their toast as the coffeemaker goes off and she starts pouring. ‘You I understand, since I never actually dated you, thank God, Uther would have had a heart attack when he found out, but the rest of them? As last night illuminated so clearly, I’m not a very good boyfriend, and after Leon and Elena, Percival and Mithian had to know …’”

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. WAIT. I need a second here.

Why is Arthur’s go to explanation for why he and his sister still hang out because he never dated her and not because she’s his SISTER? And why is the thing Arthur fixates on in this hypothetical about how Uther would freak out about him dating his sister and not you know, ARTHUR DATING HIS SISTER? Why did Arthur even say that sentence in the first place? Why is this even a hypothetical that needs voiced? I’m starting to think that the reason Arthur’s relationships fail is because he has repressed feelings for his sister.

For some extremely baffling reason, Morgana has no comment about their dating hypothetical and just tells him they are going for a walk and he is going to buy her something for annoying her. What? Just. WHAT?

Sometime later, Merlin receives Arthur’s letter and accepts his apology live on the radio. The next day, Arthur is working and Mithian calls to inform him that Arthur’s apology letter is all over the fan sites for Merlin’s show.

So the next Friday, Arthur is once again at the gym and Merlin’s show is playing. Merlin says they’ve been getting a lot of mail about Arthur’s letter (he still doesn’t specify who it’s from). “Maybe I should be deliberately mysterious more often, if it gets my fans so excited. Maybe then I’ll get more listeners and they’ll give me more money. Right, then, I’ll cop to it, the apology was from a man who’d asked me out and now we’re making mad passionate love when I’m not on air.” Arthur starts worrying about how his friends are going to respond to this.

“Congrats on your radio boyfriend. Cannot decide if that is more or less lame than having an internet boyfriend, Percival has sent, because everyone thinks he’s an adorable gentle giant but he has a mean streak.”

It’s funny because you would never expect that from Percival.

The next week, Arthur leaves work early and goes to hang out at a café and drink coffee where Elena finds him. Because all of Arthur’s friends are creepy stalkers and far too invested in his life. She pulls up a bunch of personal ads from fans of Merlin’s show (and now Arthur, apparently) who are taking out ads to find him. Wtf? Be creepier, people.

I want to point out this though: “’So, I was looking through the personals this morning—‘ ‘Oh God, Ellie, no. I won’t date anyone who wrote to the paper, and neither will you, I thought you learned your lesson after Craigslist.’” Personal tip from me to you, never date someone you find on Craigslist. You will get murdered. The end. 

“’You have got to be kidding me,’ he mutters. ‘Morgana is behind this somehow.’ Elena eyes him. ‘You are extremely paranoid where Morgana is concerned, you know.’” I was just thinking the exact same thing, Elena. Arthur is way too obsessed with his sister. Stop it.

“’I don’t know what this is all about, since the Dragon made it quite clear that nothing was going on, but it’s getting ridiculous, and I suspect I’m going to have to lecture all of you so you won’t turn me in.’ ‘Turn you in.’ Elena snorts. ‘It’s not as if you’ve committed murder, but I wasn’t going to call in and say “oh, I know this upstanding gent, you wouldn’t happen to want to meet him for a drink, would you?”or anything else like that, because I’m not stupid.’” LOL I love Elena in this.

Elena decides to start googling stuff about this extremely odd but entertaining drama. “All sorts of threads theorizing about who the upstanding gent is, that seems to be the favorite for you rather than Mr. Right for Now, apparently the Dragon’s used that phrase quite a bit with some of his callers and this distinguishes you.” Either Merlin has a crush on Arthur for no reason or he knows exactly what’s going to get him more fans and is exploiting it.

“The prevailing theory seems to be that he isn’t dating you, but he’d like to, and that’s why all the adverts are in the papers, they think they’re doing him a favor, or that it’s like the whole Sherlock thing. Can’t figure out if it’s a show of support or an attempt to deliver you on a silver platter, though.” 

“’The silver platter, definitely,’ he tells his palms. ‘Morgana, remember? She’d like to serve me up roasted with an apple in my mouth.’” Stop being weird and paranoid about your sister, Arthur. It’s not normal.

“’Maybe Mithian and I can start making a scrapbook of all this, we’ll take it out at your wedding and talk about that time you had an imaginary romance with a radio host.’ Arthur manages a smile. ‘And who exactly, in this fantasy of yours, am I marrying? I’m on a bit of a hiatus after Vivian, if you hadn’t noticed.’ Elena grins in return. ‘Oh, maybe you’ll marry the Dragon, then it can be the scrapbook of the story of your relationship.’ ‘Never going to happen. Even if, by some freak of chance, we were to meet and not want to kill each other, I would never date him—and, more to the point, he would never date me.’”

Arthur is hanging out at his flat listening to Merlin’s show the next Friday. The show is about cheating and a couple of callers bring up Arthur, aka, “Upstanding Gent.” Merlin mentions a couple of times that he and Arthur have never even met but his callers are having none of it. One of the callers mentions his girlfriend possibly cheating on him with a celebrity. He uses a hypothetical of it being Benedict Cumberbatch. “Arthur snorts, since his friends are always teasing him for his crush on Sherlock Holmes, and waits to hear how the Dragon reacts.” I really just wanted to point this out since sometimes, Colin Morgan looks like he could be Benedict Cumberbatch’s sexy, hot younger brother and Merlin is clearly Dragon in this and Colin Morgan played Merlin.

I could go on.

Um. Anyways.

You are not subtle, Author.

Then again, neither am I.

What were we talking about? Oh right.

When the show ends, Merlin apologizes to Arthur on air for his creepy ass fans. Arthur then sends an email to the radio station. When Merlin responds, he assumes it’s another creepy fan since he’s gotten other similar emails. Arthur tells him it’s really Arthur emailing. Then Merlin responds with, “Oh, shit. You aren’t writing to say you’re going to sue or something, are you? This really isn’t something I thought would get this out of control.” I love how worried everyone working at this radio station is about getting sued. Arthur responds and says he won’t sue, but just wanted to share that his friends are making fun of him too, for the whole situation.

Arthur meets Mithian with Elena, who has a new boyfriend. “So what do you think it will be this time?” Arthur asks as Mithian takes a sip from her drink. “Wife locked in the attic, Elena looks just like his mum …” This actually made me laugh. Poor Elena. She must be super unlucky in love, damn. Mithian has a different theory, “’Neither. He’s a free spirit, she can’t expect commitment because nothing can hold him down. Possibly with the added bonus of borrowing money from her.’ ‘I’ll buy the free spirit, but not the borrowing money. Leather is expensive.’ ‘I don’t really want to ask how you know that.’ ‘I’m Morgana’s brother, so no, you don’t.’” What the hell does Morgana have to do with this conversation about leather? Arthur seriously can’t go five minutes without talking about his sister. It’s so weird.

Arthur tells Mithian he emailed the radio show and that Merlin hasn’t responded yet and Mithian is suspicious that Arthur also has a secret crush on Merlin and that’s why he’s not trying to hit on anyone during Elena’s date. Ok. “Or only related insofar as perhaps he might have been right when he called me out on dating for convenience and that I should wait for someone I can’t be logical about—and again, if you tell Morgana, I’m going to have to kill you.”  So he is accidentally taking Merlin’s original advice. Good job, Arthur.

Over the weeks, Merlin and Arthur keep emailing a little back and forth. “He listens to parts of the show whenever he happens to be in his flat while it’s airing, though he misses quite a few because Elena’s boyfriend is into clubbing and she doesn’t like going alone to meet him.” Good job, Elena! Not meeting strange men alone. Proud of you, etc. I’m also happy that Arthur and their other friends don’t seem to have any sort of problem hanging out with Elena on her dates. Though she really shouldn’t be dating someone she feels uncomfortable being alone with after a certain point.

Anyways, Cenred ends up being shitty to Elena and dumps her after they have sex. That Friday, Elena calls into Merlin’s show. Arthur starts freaking out because he is obviously listening. Elena tells Merlin she seems to always get asshole men and Merlin says he used to be like that. Then there’s secondhand embarrassment when Elena starts talking about her friends. “Oh, they definitely are. They are fine, upstanding people. Arthur is going to kill her. And Morgana, because he recognizes the muffled giggle in the background.” Merlin ignores that subtle hint and gets Elena to tell listeners about herself so he can set her up. Then, “And like I said, she winds up, I have lovely friends, if you date me you’ll probably spend quite a bit of time with them. Yes, the upstanding ones, says M, and Arthur already knows this is going to be one of the calls mentioned in their e-mail later. I know him, you know, Elena adds in a conspiratorial whisper, and either Morgana is prodding her to do it or he’s misjudged her level of cruelty.” Oh god. How embarrassing.

A couple of men call for Elena including: “Hello, Ellie, I’m Gwaine, comes the new voice when M asks for the next caller, a bit rough and Irish. Oh, shit, M whispers, but covers it over so quickly Arthur thinks he might have imagined it. Good evening, Gwaine, welcome to Dragon’s Lonely Hearts, and what makes you want to date our lovely Elena?” So hopefully he isn’t one of the people who has cheated on Merlin.

Merlin emails Arthur and asks if Elena is really his friend and Arthur says she is. Then Merlin says that Gwaine is his friend. So not an ex-cheater boyfriend. That’s good news.

The night Gwaine and Elena go in their date, Elena won’t let any of them go with her. “(Arthur’s on duty, though, and she’ll call if things do go wrong, so he feels better about leaving her than he would otherwise).” That’s a good friend, guys. Seriously.

Of course Arthur is listening to Merlin’s show and a woman is complaining about how you can’t meet people who are boyfriend material at clubs. “So maybe the club scene isn’t your place for doing that. My upstanding gent hates picking people up at clubs, it’s all a matter of where you feel most comfortable, like I said.” Merlin then emails Arthur right away to apologize for that slip. How do you “accidentally’ slip something like that about someone you aren’t dating or interesting in dating? That’s weird. Merlin has to know what saying that will do to all the creepy fans.

Elena and Gwaine have started dating and during dinner with Arthur, Elena talks about Gwaine and mentions his friends and Merlin’s name. Arthur emails Merlin later and lets him know he knows his real name. “Thanks for telling me. I don’t mind—I figured when Gwaine called in that we’re going to meet someday, and he’s been teasing me about you. I trust you not to tell the whole world you know the Dragon, so it’s fine. It really is. You keep reacting like you expect me to hate you and I don’t, I promise. There are a few lines of space, and then the signoff—this time it says Merlin instead of M. Arthur spends the whole time he’s getting ready for bed smiling.” Aww.

Morgana shows up the next Friday to drag Arthur out to the club with her and she figures out that he’s been talking to Merlin. When they get to the club, Elena introduces everyone to Gwaine. “’Gwen’s just got strange work hours sometimes, but yeah, Merlin’s a psychology student during the weeks.’ Mithian raises her eyebrows. ‘Graduate work?’ That shuts Gwaine’s face right down. ‘No, he’s almost graduated, though. He had a bit of a gap after A-levels, is all.’ Arthur thinks of Merlin mentioning a husband that first night they argued on the radio and decides he doesn’t want to hear any more of that from Gwaine.” Poor Merlin. I don’t remember him mentioning being married before though.

After some investigating, called scrolling back up to that part of the fic, Merlin did on the sly mention being married during their fight. I don’t know how I missed that.

When they leave the club, Gwaine gives Arthur Merlin’s number per Merlin’s request. Arthur then texts Merlin and Merlin tells Arthur he was fending calls about Arthur all evening. There’s some cute banter. The next show Merlin does, Arthur is listening, (obviously) and someone brings up Arthur during their call in, “I imagine it’s how your upstanding gent must feel. First he apologizes, then you claim you aren’t in contact, now you know all about his opinions on everything, the poor thing must be confused. Honestly, if he weren’t the man of my bloody dreams I’d be done by now.” Arthur texts Merlin that he isn’t confused and Merlin tells that to the caller.

Then there’s some cuteness with Arthur texting Merlin every time a caller mentions him. “You should just call in, Merlin sends at the end of the night. It would save me having to play translation service.

You underestimate your fans. They’d recognize my voice and call en masse to tell you to stay away from me.

You apologized.

They’re less forgiving than you are, I would imagine. I was awful that night.

There’s a pause. You aren’t awful now. Before Arthur can begin to think of a way to respond to that, another message comes through. Gwen’s scolding me for not paying attention and I’ve got to get home. Go to bed, Arthur.”

“Shit shit shit, he texts Mithian, without really expecting an answer, and puts down his phone for the night.” I had to space it all out because there’s no quotations and I didn’t want it to be confusing as to who was talking. It’s pretty cute and the correct way to write this sort of banter. I know I’ve read quite a few fics where authors will try to replicate the banter Arthur and Merlin have on the show and it never works because almost every single one I’ve read has had it basically just being Arthur emotionally abusing Merlin and Merlin putting up with it. This is also a good way for Arthur to bring up that he was indeed an asshole at first and for Merlin to point out that he apologized and that he’s nice to him now. That never really happens in other fics.

Elena and Gwaine make plans for Gwaine and Elena’s friends to all meet. Merlin and Arthur reassure each other they are ready to meet.

“Arthur runs into Mithian on his way to Elena’s favorite diner, and she immediately stops him, suppressing a smile. ‘You can’t wear a tie to eat chicken and terrible chips, Arthur, even if your Merlin is going to be there. Come here.’ ‘He’s not my anything,’ Arthur argues, but he lets Mithian tow him forward to unknot his tie and unbutton the top button on his shirt. ‘Oh, but you’re his upstanding gent, aren’t you?’ She stows his tie in her handbag. ‘Are you going to be okay?’” Mithian is a good friend. She checks on Arthur a lot like this in the fic but it’s not pushy and overbearing like in a lot of fics I’ve read. It’s sweet.

Merlin and Arthur FINALLY meet. “Merlin smiles, and Arthur’s imagined him looking like many things, but never this. He may not be Arthur’s usual type, but … he brushes his hand against Arthur’s wrist under the table. ‘So how are we handling this?’” Good job, Merlin, not making this about you and asking Arthur what he wants.

When they are all introducing themselves a little later, Merlin says he hosts a radio show on the weekends. It doesn’t take long for everyone to figure it out and they are all equally surprised.

After dinner, Arthur and Merlin hightail it out of there and go for a walk. Merlin tells Arthur to stop freaking out. Arthur asks Merlin why he isn’t freaking out too. “’That’s because I have had some really terrible dates in my time,’ Merlin says once they’ve got properly started. ‘I’m like Elena being an arsehole magnet, remember? You being shy doesn’t even make my top twenty worst dates.’ Arthur can’t help objecting to that. ‘I’m not shy! I’m just … adjusting to the change.’ ‘You spent half of dinner looking like I was outraging your maiden virtue.’” That actually made me laugh.

“’I was afraid I was going to have to piss you off properly before you’d loosen up. Look, I know this is awful, first-date chemistry alongside month-of-dating knowing each other, but we’re going to have to soldier on.’ ‘A month of dating?’” I am as confused is Arthur here. Texting someone you have never met in person isn’t dating, Merlin.

“’Now that we’re … doing whatever it is we’re doing, you should mention it on air. Or not, actually, I feel like you’d be responsible for half your fans ending up in A&E with heart palpitations.’ ‘Doing whatever we’re doing?’ Merlin grins. ‘Dating, I think, unless you have any particular objections. Maybe in a while we can slap the boyfriend label on it.’”

I probably wouldn’t bring the fans into it though. They are weird enough about Merlin and his Upstanding Gent. They kiss and Arthur tells Merlin he won’t be inviting Merlin home because he has to work in the morning.

“’You’re sort of a prince,” he says quietly. ‘And I’ll let you out of dragging me to your flat, which is probably much larger and neater than mine, as long as you promise to call me soon.’ ‘We’ll be talking on Friday for your show, anyway.’ ‘Before then.’ Merlin finally straightens up and it occurs to Arthur that even if they aren’t still kissing they’ve managed to get tangled up. He unwraps his arms from Merlin’s waist and lets Merlin catch his hand before they can get too far apart. ‘I’m liable to pine, otherwise.’ ‘You could always call me,’ Arthur points out.” So I like this because I like Arthur going against this fandom’s ridiculous notion that Arthur is the MAN and must do all the MANLY things like calling Merlin first.

Sometime later, Arthur is Merlin’s special guest on his radio show. Arthur eventually falls asleep during the show because Merlin’s on in the middle of the night. “He isn’t aware of much else until he hears Merlin saying ‘—five minutes left, and as some of you might have noticed, my upstanding gent has been quiet for a while now. This is because he’s fallen asleep, the daft thing, but I suppose that’s what comes of being a businessman by day. So, since it’s been a special show—and I’ll bet you’re all hoping I can talk him into coming in again every once in a while—I’ll sign off for the night with one last song for him. Thank you all for listening, as always, and this is the Dragon saying good night to you. I’ll be back again next Friday at ten.’”

Then, “Arthur drags him down into his lap instead. ‘Am I a prisoner?’ Merlin inquires. ‘Absolutely. Until I can bring myself to move, at least.’ He stretches his neck out and lets Merlin nuzzle at his hair even though Gwen is watching and looking like she wants to lunge for her camera phone.”

Fucking cute. Even with Gwen being a voyeur in the background. Merlin invites Arthur to spend the night. The end.

So I really liked this fic. It’s definitely the best one I’ve reviewed so far and probably even fairly high on my list of fics that I like in general. No drama for drama’s sake, it’s pretty well written and characters react and behave in realistic ways. It’s an interesting plot and stays entertaining throughout the story. The only thing I wish we had more information on was Merlin’s previous husband but, it’s not handled in a way, the few times it’s brought up, that makes me feel like the story is incomplete without us knowing what happened. I was also concerned about Arthur’s weird obsession with Morgana. I found Merlin and Arthur are pretty cute too, which is rare for me. I like that Merlin and Arthur had some flirtatious banter that wasn’t Arthur just being emotionally abusive towards Merlin. I also like that Arthur’s bad behavior towards Merlin in the beginning was handled well and in a believable way. A lot of the time, I find Arthur’s attitude and behavior towards Merlin way over the top and then Merlin’s subsequent accepting of Arthur’s non-apologies and terrible behavior toward him just stupid and unrealistic. It’s not like that in this fic, which I really appreciate. I wish more fics had this Merlin/Arthur dynamic.

Seriously.

Until next time: